Stirring and Searching

Well, it's been a while again.

For the last year or so, I have been working variations of a two job set. Disney or cooking in the mornings and then waiting tables in the evening, which averages to about 60-70 hours a week, not including drive time which adds from a half hour to and hour every day. So, I guess you could say I've been busy. It's nice to be busy, that's for sure, but the trouble comes in when you don't really feel like you're getting anywhere. We are still financially struggling, haven't saved any money yet, and are no closer to our goals so it would seem. This is frustrating. Recently., I lost my full-time job, and am having to rely on my secondary job to become my primary, to rely on God to provide instead of my own ability, and to rely on my own faith to sustain our life instead of leaning on circumstance to direct my emotions. It is a difficult transition, and I am getting tired of this whole thing! I am prayingthat God would help me to find a job that will take care of our finances, without killing me in hours, that would be my only job. I am aso praying for a new car for Sarah so she can get a full time job to help me out, because I need help. This job and finance situation we are in is disruptive to my faith. We are tithing and giving offering, and also giving to two other organizations doing the will of the Lord. I guess I am wondering..."God, where is the return on our giving???" I know He has a perfect plan for our lives, and I know He will return to us what was given and what was stolen, but I am feeling impatient in the middle of my struggles, and I need to find rest as my wife will tell you. God, help me to find rest please, be patient, and enjoy the life you've given me. Help me to do things right, follow after you, and serve you to the best of my abilities.

I have been neglecting many or most of my relationships over the past three years, due to a big move to school, getting married, and then also all that work. My relationships seem to have slipped away from me. This is why I am so glad for Facebook. It seems to be a veritable network of all the people I care about and don't get to see often. It is a blessing to have some time to look into these things. It is so nice to chit-chat with some of the people I haven't talked with in months or even years! It is a blessing, and I count it now. Thank you God for the blessing of Facebook in my life!

I am having issues with my family. I love them dearly. The whole situation is that there are hurt feelings on all sides, and it is such a struggle to communicate that to each other, understand each other, and get over it. We all need to stop approaching things with the hurt inside, and instead, grab hold of our love for each other to pull us through. This is really difficult for me to do. I think the biggest problem is my sister. She is selfish, oh so selfish, and HIGHLY emotional. Most of the time I feel like she can't handle anything. She obviously feels like my wife is trying to hurt her at every opportunity. I just don't know what to do anymore. I love my family, even my sister, but I just don't know what to do. My parents are going to be the easy part compared to her. where there began hurt, there came pain, resulted in anger and return hurts. It is a viscious cycle that I want no part of. I just don't know what to do.

Well, this has been a long one so I will discontinue for now, and begin fresh another time. For now, please pray for me, and know as I do that God is in control and will work all things to my good because I truly love Him and am called according to His purpose.